she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
