So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
