I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
