I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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