the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
