Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
