i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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