Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
