party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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