we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
