i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
