clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
