playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
