so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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