I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
