so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
