I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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