Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
