I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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