I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
