If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
