we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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