I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Girls should come with a carfax report
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
