I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
