Come see our sink grown plant.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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