i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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