Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
as a side note pls kill me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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