I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
