1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
