I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
