I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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