That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Blood and glitter go together right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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