Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
