No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
