You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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