I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
True college students do jello shots in the library
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