she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
