High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
