so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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