i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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