Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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