he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
