My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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