she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
