my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
