i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
