Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
