Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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