Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
