she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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