Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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