You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
