Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
