Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
