so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
