Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
