I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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