Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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