If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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