I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
