Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
