i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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