I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
