So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
