so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize