We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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