4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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