Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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