So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
