And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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