he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
