Moan for me like Helen Keller
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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