I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
