Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
