You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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