just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
