did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
